I was a member of Fitness SF for many years. Since I live nearby the Castro, it’s been a convenient location for me…especially since they have parking.
For many years I would work out in the early morning and wait until getting home to shower. A few months ago, I decided to shower at the gym. To my dismay, I learned that the shower room in the Fitness SF Castro location does not have individual shower stalls or curtains for privacy. It’s a big open room. I have always been comfortable with my body and public nudity. After all, I’ve lived in Germany for an extended period of time and I agree that public nudity should *not* being sexualized. We all have bodies.
After only a few moments in this shower room, I discovered that I had quickly become every guy’s jerk off material that was in this shower. It was clear that this is a cruisy place. It made me feel objectified, used and extremely angry and uncomfortable. I didn’t even have my glasses on or contacts in…so I felt even more vulnerable. It was in this very instant that I immediately understood how *most* women feel on a daily basis.
The next day, I informed the staff at Fitness SF. They were not surprised at all and told me “We’ve been informing corporate for years and they won’t do anything about it.” This statement tells you everything you need to know about Fitness SF: They are more concerned with money than about human rights or their member’s sexual harassment cases. It did give me some hope that other men feel the same way I feel and had come forward about it.
It didn’t take me long to realize this is a much bigger issue. We all know and love the YMCA song…but have you ever really examined the lyrics? Let’s take a look.
“Young man, there’s a place you can go
I said, young man, when you’re short on your dough
You can stay there, and I’m sure you will find
Many ways to have a good time
It’s fun to stay at the Y.M.C.A.
It’s fun to stay at the Y.M.C.A.
They have everything for you men to enjoy
You can hang out with all the boys
It’s fun to stay at the Y.M.C.A.
It’s fun to stay at the Y.M.C.A.”
Examining these lyrics by today’s standards truly puts me in a state of disgust…but the 70’s were a very different time. This is when most of America was experiencing a sexual revolution! “Free Love,” it was called. Has this kind of language influenced male or gay male thinking into believing this kind of behavior is completely acceptable? We certainly haven’t been taught otherwise…
Now, we live in the age of the Me Too Movement and/or The Era of Consent. This behavior is no longer acceptable just like it’s no longer acceptable to fly Confederate flags or have statues and monuments dedicated to Confederate generals.
I believe that most men and most gay men fail to recognize that by having sex in the gym showers or sauna, you are making other men feel extremely uncomfortable. This is a form of sexual harassment and men who engage in sexual activity in gyms should be threatened with losing their memberships. It’s unfair for these men to assume that all the men in the locker room, whether they are all gay or all straight, are comfortable with your actions. Clearly, most of these men having sex in gyms don’t care at all what other people think…they only selfishly want to get themselves off.
I recently went on a date with a guy. Towards the end of our date, I briefly mentioned that I had been sexually harassed in the showers at Fitness SF. I wanted to let him know how I feel. His response was “You know what you’re getting into when you go into that kind of space.”
Unfortunately, this is probably what the majority of gay men believe. “Their” logic appears to be: Most spaces are straight and therefore “we” “own” this space. They would probably say “It’s a queer space.” When in reality it is not a gay space…it’s a place to take showers. And in reality, all spaces are not “straight.” Sexuality is far more fluid than most of us can even comprehend. So no space is “straight” or “gay.” All spaces are “For humans.” Shower spaces are for showering.
Furthermore, queer guys who hold this view fail to realize they are making many other GAY MEN feel uncomfortable! Or, even worse, they do recognize it and don’t give a shit if they make other people feel uncomfortable in the room. It’s completely appalling behavior.
I’m sure you must be thinking: If Fitness SF is to make individual shower stalls in the Castro location, do you think/believe this will magically solve this issue? No…it certainly won’t. That’s why I’m writing about it. I’ve discovered that most often, gay men don’t know what to think when it comes to this issue. When it first happened to me I didn’t know what to think either! I had to talk about it with my therapist. He gladly informed me that when someone else in room is making you feel (sexually) uncomfortable, that this is also sexual harassment.
The difference between a space designed for sex and sex in the locker room showers is that in a designated space everyone is consenting to a room of people having sex. In the locker room showers, no one is consenting except for the guys who are participating in sex.
Let me be clear, however patronizing this short article may sound (it’s very patronizing), I don’t judge people that have held these views or performed these acts in the past. I simply want them to understand, admit they are wrong and not do it again in spaces that are not designated for sex.
Thanks for listening!
Gay in the Bay 